Relationships And Mindsets
Love is never really smooth or for that matter, any kind of relationships we make is strewn with disappointments and heartbreaks. Not some but most of us let these past experiences scar us and prevent us from making new and satisfying future relationships. While others were able to heal and move on with positive energy.
So what separates the two when they suffer from the same thing?. So today we will learn about relationships and how mindsets can either help us to be a better person or a dammed one with not so great future.
First, let me make you understand what a mindset is? in simple words. See everyone among us have a mindset. So a mindset of any human being is simply the set of thoughts he/she has in their mind to deal with the things that happen or they do in their day to day life.
Now we have two types of mindsets here a) Fixed Mindset b) Growth Mindset
Again trying to keep everything simple, Fixed Mindset is, in which a person whatever abilities, intelligence, talents he /she has for them it’s a fixed trait and can’t be changed and While as people with Growth Mindset, believe that whatever abilities, intelligence, talents he/she has can be changed and increased with hard work, learning and patience. Now let’s talk about what is the role of mindsets in relationships.
When we talk about the term relationship most of us think of a boy and a girl relationships but alas there are much more satisfying and beautiful relationships in the world that exist such as a relationship between mom and son, father and daughter, brother and sister, the bond between two best friends, wife and husband etc.
Every one of us has face rejection at some point. When people with a fixed mindset face rejection they feel judged, labelled as ugly, unlovable and unwealthy at that point. Because the fixed mindset gives them no recipe for healing they wound every time and all they could think of all the time to hurt the person who hurt them. In fact, for a fixed mindset people, their goal is clear “Revenge”
Whereas for a growth mindset people it was always about understanding, forgiving, and moving on.Although they were also hurt by what happened in the past. But instead to scar themselves all the time. They Say “That Relationship and how it ended taught me the importance of communication in a relationship. Love needs help nothing is magical and natural”.
As one Women Said: I’m no saint, but I knew for my, own peace of mind that I had to forgive and forget. He hurt me but I had a whole life waiting for me and I’ll be dammed if I was going to live it in the past. One day I just said “Good luck to him and Good luck to me”
This mantra is for every relationship, whether it is with your partner, your best friend and most of all if you think if you have a troubled relationship with your parents. Think with a growth mindset, see what’s wrong and work out.
When we see a great relationship anywhere. We say what a great marriage, we never say those people are great relationship makers but we say they have great chemistry. Meaning What?
The truth is we don’t understand relationship skills. People with a fixed mindset think that their qualities are fixed and great for a relationship. And they always blame their partner and they believe it’s like after they fall in love and get married everything happens automatically and they lived happily ever after. The fixed mindset’s say “if we need to work at it, there’ something seriously wrong with our relationship”.
But if we see what John Gottman Says “ Every Marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension…between the forces that told hold you together and those that can tear you apart”
The people with a growth mindset are exactly the opposite of fixed mindset where they work out together to make the relation work .like when one partner is angry and lashing out, the other remains calm and try to make him/her cool down by making funny statements or any such thing like that. A no-effort relationship is a doomed relationship, not a great relationship. it takes work to communicate accurately and it takes work to expose and resolve conflicting hopes and beliefs. It doesn’t mean there is no “they lived happily after” but it’s more like “they worked happily ever after”
Like You see When bill Clinton was president, Clinton lied to the nation and his wife about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky, Hillary instead of lashing out defended him “ My husband may his faults, but he has never lied to me”
So change your mindset to a growth mindset and believe in changing your abilities and work out together in any relationship you have. Sometimes it’s difficult to realize when even friends don’t wish you well and after putting so many efforts things don’t work well then you can’t blame the person or the priorities because “sometimes you don’t plan anything, things happen and that is how destiny works”. But even after that just don’t hurt yourself by the previous experience be a growth mindset and believe in :
“Tout comprendre c’est tout pardoner” (French)
– To understand is to forgive all.
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