The Fate I Wanted

The Fate I Wanted

For me, your name means precious
You are the fate that I wanted and never had
The one who never left my presence in this world
Someone who walks along with me even in the crowd
You are the one whom I wish to see when I finally cease to see

Some are born with a broken line of love
They dare to love but the remains are left for none to see
The pain that I carry upon myself
Is hard to hear, difficult to see and kills me
Yet I endure this gift
For it was the only thing that binds me to you

Every time that I look back
I see remains of what I had with you
And that I could never ever have with anyone else
Ever, ever again
Every night, I patiently wait for the dead to awaken in my being
I quietly move to revisit each moment of our moments

I call you sunshine because that’s what you are to me
The ray of light that makes me feel warm and alive
The warmth radiating all over but elusive
I see you but you vanish
And I long to touch you, taste that warmth
But you manage to wriggle through

I open my eyes to reality and die each day
My wounds lay bare for me to lick and heal
And it never heals. Never healed. Never will
I am what I am. My wounds shall never heal

They remain fresh, for they remind me of you