Unmasking The Women
She never leaves me, wherever I go, she follows me as like part of my body, Mostly during nights I can hear her voice calling me all the times, her echoing footsteps approaching me.
Finally came the day, to meet my therapist (Jennie).
It was a gloomy day, around 4, Monday. Her house was airy, large space, colourful material, beautiful green curtains, a deck full of books, mostly flooring done over the hall.
And I was there lying in a grotesque sofa. Her eyes were shuttling between me and her notes. She was pinpointing each and every detail. In just a couple of hours, I will be an open book for her.
Hello, my name is George, suffering from DID(dissociative identity disorder) which was in previous year denoted as Multiple personality disorder. It is a mental condition in which a person unleashes the other part of his personality. Science believes that every human consists of 5 or more than 5 personalities but they are never able to get all of them out, which secures them from themselves. But I have failed myself and went out. Though I am in the very beginning of falling inside the hole.
How long she has been with you— She asked
A couple of years say, 3– I said
Who discovered it —
My mother— I said
Well, how many people are there in your home–
Me, my mother, my brother, Dad is mostly out, doesn’t give us enough of himself– I said
Okay, you said you have a brother, so how come you said, “you are all alone”, Allow me to ask is there any problem in your family— She asked
Pffff….. Well she is my stepmother, and he is my stepbrother plus he is 6 years older than me, we don’t talk much— I answered uncomfortably
Okay, I guess you don’t like talking about them much, so let us talk about that women whom you mentioned loves you, but only visits you during the night time— She said
Gathering my core, I took a deep breath closed my eyes, as I didn’t want to see her while talking about that women.
Well Jennie, “can I address you like this”? — I asked
Yes, please– Jennie said
Well, Jennie, I have been alone most of the times, dad always remain out of the town, mom doesn’t talk more, so I made her my friend, she talks to me as long as I don’t fall asleep, she has that kind of patience. Whatever I say she looks at me and smiles— I said
“Could you tell me how she looks”?–Jennie asked
Her eyes are little protruding, hair long splendid. Thin whitest fingers, medium size legs, she mostly wear a light soothing colour dress, but above all her smile is her charm. She doesn’t move her lips much, just a small curvature describing her emotions — I smiled big and ended my description.
Looks like, she is pretty. , “how old is she? “– Jennie asked
She would be 40-43 — I said
She is 12-year elder then you, Are you sure, she is your friend– Jennie asked
Yes, Jennie, I mean it is only her who removes the darkness from my room, makes me happy. I am no longer…… No longer alone, I am destined to be with her— I said
Okay, tell me her name– Jennie asked
I… I don’t know– I said getting annoyed with my answer
Why I don’t know her name–I asked
Jennie moved her hands in the air and said because apparently she only comes to you, talks to you, nobody else knows her, “why is that George”? — Jennie asked
“Why is that George”? –Jennie again asked.
Because she is only my friend, okay, you understand– I made the remark.
Yeah, I understand, don’t get angry, we will continue later, next week–Jennie said.
Here I am feeling apathetic again, why I had to scream on her.
A couple of sessions passed, Jennie became my friend, my partner. But that woman my first friend doesn’t like Jennie. I try to make her understand that it is important to meet my therapist. But lately, she has started been more frightened.
After 2 months, Jennie completely changed my course. Telling me, these medicines will make me come to the real world.
At night it was 9’o clock. She would not come to me more now as I am not afraid of the darkness that much now. Around 9:20 pm I took my medicine.
“Splash… Splash” Water dropping from roof,
Covering myself in a blanket, took the torch I went upstairs. We have round brown coloured stairs which make it darker. Now at the top of the roof, I saw her. She was standing near the edge. Half turned with her blood-red scarf hanging.
Awo, yaha mere pass(come here, near me!) –she said.
And I involuntary walked….. And walked too close to her that I can hear my own breathing.
She told me to trust her and I nodded.
You remember when your dad used to lock you up in your room….you were all alone there, nobody cared about you… Who was there with you at that time? Say nah, it was only me who took care of you –she said tears falling from her cheeks and continued, so why are you leaving me, stop going to that stupid therapist of yours, she will make you alone again–she said.
I….. I am with you— I stammered.
No! You are lying, if that is so, then prove it–she yelled.
How! Please show me–I said with my voice breaking.
Jump! Show me your passion–she said.
I took my first step, and now I was standing on the parapet, ready to show my loyalty, my love for my friend.
But then, Jennie flashed in my mind. Her words rumbling, telling me to come to a world of truth. I looked at her again. She was smiling.
No! No, Jennie crying in my thoughts.
Do it now, prove it to me–she was shouting.
Shivering through the cold, between two drastic thoughts,
I asked her.
“What is your name”?
No words, nothing coming out.
“What is your NAME”? — I asked.
Huh! You are no one, you are not here.
George, what are you doing there, my mom came there.
Those soft hand handled me. In the warmth of her lap, I could see her (that woman of my thoughts) vanishing, going away from my life. When I went back to my room and saw myself in the mirror, it was me who was dressed as a woman. And that is the truth, nobody has been there with me, it was me dressed like someone, to make a companion of my loneness. The darkness of the room in which my dad used to lock me, took a huge toll on me. But Jennie made me alive. I am eternally thankful to her. Lastly to people out there, there is no mental disorder which can’t be cured if you just give a helping hand to these suffering patients. They need love and care.
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